Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
