Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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