we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
