She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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