You can't special order awesome
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
