in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
