There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
