I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
