I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
