last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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