my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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