i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
