Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
