i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So vagazzling was a success
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
