remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
