i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
