We're like a lot better than the average bears
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
