tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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