Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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