Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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