New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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