Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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