He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
