I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
