so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
