Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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