Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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