Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
