perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
