did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
