but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
