Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
