I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
