well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I deserve this hangover.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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