anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
