Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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