I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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