If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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