You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
