Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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