none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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