i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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