just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
