I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
