I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
