): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Every concussion has its silver lining
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
