In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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