He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
