its not stalking. its research.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
