i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
